During the pandemic, I’ve taken up a new sport – disc golf. If you’ve never heard of it, it is played like regular golf except you throw Frisbee style discs into metal baskets. It has some of the benefits (and frustrations) of golf, but is a little less expensive until you start buying hundreds of different discs – each with different functions – as I have in my attempts to get better at the game.
After playing disc golf for several months, I began to notice a car at a local course where I play regularly, parked in an inconvenient spot for me. It was at the end of the parking lot about 300’ from the tee area where I would throw, and while off the grass, it sat exactly on the line I needed to throw my disc to approach the basket. And, every time I came out to play, it was parked in that same spot! Frankly, I was frustrated someone would park a car there and force me to throw a bad shot in order to avoid it.
One day late last year, as I was ready to throw from this location, I noticed someone in the car. So, I decided I was going to ask him to move his car. After approaching the vehicle, I realized the person was an older woman. I told her I was about to throw my Frisbee and asked her to move to be sure I didn’t hit her car. She explained if I hit her it, my throw would be “out of bounds”, but knowing disc golf rules, I informed her it was normal to throw a wide angled “hyzer” shot that way, and it would only be out of bounds because she was parked in the one spot in this huge lot where she was in the way! She then told me she had been having some battery problems and couldn’t move the car and proceeded to get out of her car and walked off (I guess expecting I was going to hit it). One thing was obvious – if I did hit her car, I wouldn’t be the first person to do it. It had many dents from flying discs! Not really having a clue as to what had just happened, I went back to the tee box and over-corrected my shot once more to avoid hitting her jalopy.
It was only later in the round I came to my senses and realized what was going on. That car had been there for months – it was broken down and not going anywhere, and the woman I just ran out of her “home” was living in that car. In my defense, I have to say this park is in an affluent area in Alpharetta, Georgia. You don’t see many homeless people here, and it seemed unlikely someone could be living in a car (permanently) in this municipal park. Nevertheless, I felt bad about the whole exchange and decided I would give her some cash.
When I approached her the second time, it was clear she was on her guard given our first interaction. And, when I offered her $20 she asked me “what she could do with it?” In effect, I think she was asking what she needed to do for it, but after I assured her she could do anything she wanted with it, she accepted it gratefully. After the ice was broken, she warmed up and complimented me on my red Mustang. It turns out, this lady, probably in her early sixties, was bright and well-spoken. She explained to me this parking lot was actually a FEMA site where people who needed assistance could come and stay with access to electricity and water.
As December approached, my wife suggested we could do something more for this woman and provide her with a nice Christmas. So, my wife helped to put together several bags of essentials, snacks, clothing and some cash for this lady. Not even knowing if she would still be there – although she had already lived in this spot for most of 2020 by my observation, we approached her again. This time, she immediately recognized my car. We gave her the things we had for her and had a nice conversation about her situation. We learned her name is Emily. What was most striking to us was this woman didn’t seem much different than us. She clearly was an intelligent person who seemed to have fallen on some bad times. There was no apparent substance abuse and she was making the best of a difficult situation. To be sure, we probably had doubled her net worth on earth with the few things that we gave her. When I saw her tags were due in January like mine, I commented we must have the same birth month. (Fortunately, someone had helped her push the car out of a direct path to the disc golf basket.) That night was very cold, and my wife and I both wondered what it must be like to live in a car while we were in our comfy bed…
Having told this story to my mom, my mom offered a used, but very nice coat she had dry cleaned for me to take to Emily. January had a lot of rainy days, so I didn’t get out to the disc golf course for several weeks, but I made my way there yesterday intent on giving Emily the jacket along with some snacks my wife had provided. Once more, she recognized my car, and as I got out, I noticed she had an envelope in her hand. After thanking me for the coat, she gave me the envelope. Surprisingly, it was a birthday card for me!
She told me: “I remembered it was your birthday, and I thought you might come back some day.” I think both points are meaningful. She thought enough of me to remember my birthday was in January, and she expected I just might come back again some day (even if it was the middle of February). In the image of the card above, you may be able to see she had re-purposed her own birthday card for me. I guess you could say someone gave this gift to her; she then gave it to me, and now I am able to share with you!
Last year was challenging in many ways and still many political and socio-economic divisions in our country remain. Not surprisingly, most people want to claim the moral high ground and believe their opinions, values and beliefs to be correct and good (even God inspired). I am reminded of the words of Abraham Lincoln spoken during the Civil War, when he said: “In great contests, each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God.” It is natural to claim moral superiority, and like most people, I’ve expressed strongly what I think is “right” for our country (and in some ways, my opinions of what is right for other people). But, the truth is, it is easier to improve my own behavior than to change everyone who disagrees with me.
If I really believe in helping others, I don’t need to wait on Congress to legislate it. I can do it myself. As my business partner at my company has often said: “Charity starts with you…and usually isn’t tax deductible.”
If you want to feel thankful today, help someone who has less than you. Their reaction will probably blow you away, just like it did me. It truly is better to give than to receive. We have things we throw away which could change their lives. Whether you give your money, your stuff or your time, you can change someone’s life. At the very least, I expect you will change your own.